Chelsea handler is a comedy queen of United State. She is very popular in United State for her comedy and humor. With net worth of approx. 35 million and her popularity shows she is one of the best comedians of America. She is one of the funniest women on TV & her jokes about drinking and other mishaps always give huge laughter.

Chelsea is hot and her brand of humor is no bullsh**, after years of doing awesome job and starring on her late night talk show now she has also started her own production company and helping the career of other comedian.  You can read more on Wikipedia

So, below we are sharing some hilarious Chelsea handler quotes that proves she is the queen of comedy in America.

Chelsea Handler Quotes

  1. “You know you’re a hot mess when the only person buying you drinks all night is yourself.” – Chelsea HandlerChelsea Handler Quotes
  2. “I don’t like the word ‘alcoholic’. I like to think of myself as an advanced drinker.” – Chelsea Handler
  3. “Just be honest with who you are and if you don’t and end with any friends, good for you.” – Chelsea HandlerChelsea Handler Quotes saying
  4. “Always speak your mind, and be bold, and be obnoxious and do whatever you want and don’t let anyone tell you to stop it.” – Chelsea Handler
  5. “Men don’t realize that if we’re sleeping with them on the first date, we’re probably not interested in seeing them again either.” – Chelsea Handler
  6. “I dislike so many things….and people.” – Chelsea HandlerChelsea Handler Quotes images
  7. “When life hands you lemons, make lemonade with vodka.” – Chelsea Handler
  8. “Laugh loudly, laugh often, and most important, laugh at yourself.” – Chelsea Handlerhilarious Chelsea Handler Quotes
  9. “Along with the 97 percent of women who can see, I have never been a fan of redheaded men.” – Chelsea Handler
  10. “There are two kinds of people I don’t trust: people who don’t drink and people who collect stickers.” ― My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands – Chelsea Handler
  11. “I work better on a hangover actually.” – Chelsea HandlerChelsea Handler Quotes saying photos
  12. “I went out with a guy who once told me I didn’t need to drink to make myself more fun to be around. I told him, I’m drinking so that you’re more fun to be around.” – Chelsea Handler
  13. “When I ever am around kids, it’s always a reminder not to have them.” – Chelsea HandlerChelsea Handler Quotes photo saying
  14. “You should always speak your mind, and be bold, and be obnoxious, and do whatever you want and don’t let anybody tell you to stop it.” – Chelsea Handler
  15. “My tendency to make up stories and lie compulsively for the sake of my own amusement takes up a good portion of my day and provides me with a peace of mind not easily attainable in this economic climate.” – Chelsea Handler
  16. “I never say the things I really want to. If I did, I’d have no friends.” – Chelsea HandlerChelsea Handler Quotes photo
  17. “Have you ever experienced a pain so sharp in your heart that it’s all you can do to take a breath? It’s a pain you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemy; you wouldn’t want to pass it on to anyone else for fear he or she might not be able to bear it. It’s the pain of being betrayed by a person with whom you’ve fallen in love. It’s not as serious as death, but it feels a whole lot like it, and as I’ve come to learn, pain is pain any way you slice it.” – Chelsea Handler
  18. “I look hot and, most of all, skinny. I love the day after throwing up. I felt like a feather.” – Chelsea HandlerChelsea Handler Quotes pictures
  19. “I’m a ridiculous person. If you take anything any comedian says seriously, then you’re stupid.” – Chelsea HandlerChelsea Handler Quotes pics
  20. “It’s not the concept of marriage I have a problem with. I’d like to get married too. A couple times. It’s the actual wedding that pisses me off. “The problem is that everyone who gets married seems to think that they are the first person in the entire universe to do it and that the year leading up to the event revolves entirely around them. You have to throw them showers, bachelorette weekends, buy a bridesmaid dress, and then buy a ticket to some godforsaken town wherever they decide to drag you. If you’re really unlucky, they’ll ask you to recite a poem at their wedding. That’s just what I want to do- monitor my drinking until I’m done with my public service announcement. And what do we get out of it, you ask? A dry piece of chicken and a roll in the hay with their hillbilly cousin. I could get that at home, thanks.” – Chelsea Handler
  21. Then they have the audacity to go shopping and pick out their own gifts. I want to know who the first person was who said this was okay. After spending all that money on a bachelorette weekend, a shower, and often a flight across the country, they expect you to go to Williams Sonoma or Pottery Barn and do research? Then they send you a thank-you note applauding you for such a thoughtful gift. They’re the one who picked it out! I always want to remind the person that absolutely no thought went into typing in a name and having a salad bowl come up.” – Chelsea Handler
  22. “I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.” – Chelsea HandlerChelsea Handler Quotes saying images

Read Also: Strong Women Quotes: Top 50 Inspirational Quotes About Strong Women

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